So time has passed and life goes on around us. Lin has continued to feel extreme pain. The tumor in her back is putting pressure on her spine and the fractured vertebra is adding to the pain level. I am sure that if she is to hear, "what is your pain level" once more, she is certain to throw a brick at me... if only she could.
Sunday night, August 29th - I was only night shift with Lin. Marlene, Lin's little sister, flew in from Montreal on the 22nd. We had been trading shifts, this was for who would spend the night with Lin. This was a hard task; wake up every two hours and administer medication so as to keep Lin out of pain. It was on my shift that I could no longer provide medications at the level she required to bring down the pain. I went upstairs at 11:30 pm to let Marlene know that I was giving Lin more medication and outside of the prescribed times, just in case. At 1:30 am, I went back up to get Marlene. I had called the doctor and he had told me to take her to the emergency room.
I called 911 while Marlene convinced Lin that this was the only way to get her some relief. Lin was in the most pain that I have ever seen anyone experience. I know that she is a tough cookie, but this was beyond the realm of anything that I had ever experienced. I could do nothing.
The fire fighters arrived and then the paramedics. They asked all the normal questions. Dave, the guy who was getting all the respect from all those in the room, was asking all the right questions. He proceeded to get on the bed right next to Lin and was talking to her in soothing tones. He proceeded to place an IV in her wrist in record time and began to slowly administer morphine. It took a second shot, but she finally stopped writhing in pain. The rescue team used our bed sheet to transfer her to the gurney, her sister rode in the ambulance with her and I followed in my truck.
We got to the hospital and they gave her Dilaudid, a quick acting pain med. About 4 am, they told us that they would be admitting her soon. We were finally in her room at about 5:30 am. The nurse and the tech were really nice; they gave us a couple of blankets and helped us move a couple of "comfortable" chairs to the room. We laughed and we cried; Lin was knocked out with really powerful drugs.
We stayed with her most of the day; we did not go home as we had no idea what would happen next. They continued to give her pain meds and she looked to be finally resting. I had called upon my good friend Allison and she had spread the word to several of my closest friends that Lin was in the hospital. Allison coordinated with my friends Cara, Genny and Jacque and they all came to visit so we could get some needed rest. Marlene and I headed home when Allison arrived, she was a saving grace as she stayed with Lin for the afternoon as we took a nap. After visiting for some time with Lin, we decided to head home for the night and get some much needed sleep; it had been a long week. We drank tea and took half of an Ambien each. We awoke refreshed.
Day turned to night and night into day, Lin's pain was out of control each morning as the nurses were afraid to go outside of the boundaries ordered by the doctors and still more afraid to call the doctors outside of normal working hours. They would wake her each morning at 6 am to do the normal, blood pressure check, etc and bring breakfast about at 7 am, meds were not due until 9 am on the dot, no leeway. It was painful to see her hurt so badly and not be able to do anything but complain. Finally, after days of worrying and complaining, the charge nurse listened and took action. Marlene and I kept vigil by her bed and got to know one another a little better. My sister Marti, was helpful during this time, even after a full day of work she would find the time to stop by Chick-fill-a to get Lin a vanilla shake. She spent many evenings with us in uncomfortable chairs listening to Lin's morphine driven unconnected thoughts.
Friday was a somber day. The Oncologist told us that the cancer was incurable, several lymph nodes in her chest cavity were now involved, it was definitely in her bone, there were several areas on her lungs and the large bumps on her head were 98% sure of being cancerous. The radiation treatment that she had been receiving daily for two weeks had not worked and they could not explain why. We asked if Hospice was in order; the answer was that it was our choice. Asked and answered. Hospice will only take terminally ill patients with less than 6 months of life. He advised that we could proceed with chemo in hopes that it could shrink the tumors so as to lessen the pain. This was truly a black day. The only light was that she could come home on Saturday.
We called upon Hospice on Friday. They came to the hospital and we made arrangements to bring Lin home on Saturday. Marlene and I scrambled home to start re-arranging furniture and clean the house as that had been our last priority while Lin had been in the hospital. I called upon my nephews Eric and Art to help move furniture and Marti volunteered her services.
We moved our king sized bed upstairs and it occurred to me that the last night that Lin and I spent in our bed had been the night that she was wheeled out the door by strangers. The room was void of most things that has personalized our master suite, Marlene and Marti cleaned everything in site. I was not much help. I think I was in shock, moving slowly, but deliberately. This did not seem real. I was answering calls on four phones, barking off orders (Lin would say that this is what I am best at...), I felt like my body was present and going through he motions, however, my mind was stuck on what would not be.
When Marlene arrived from Canada, one of the first things that she said to me was that she would force me to eat healthy. As we drove through the drive-thru at McDonald's on Saturday morning, I reminded her of those words. Funny how life has a way of taking all your intentions and plans and throwing them in your face sometimes. We could not help but laugh. I wondered later if she got the fish sandwich to prove a point; I got the Big Mac!
When we arrived to take Lin home, she was in tears. The jerk of a doctor "Cole" had pulled her meds 3 hrs earlier to see if she could walk and make her way before he would release her! Was he on drugs? I got the nurse to call him. He was not happy that anyone would question his orders. Boo-hoo! It took two hours, but he finally signed the paperwork needed to get out of there. Hospice had arrived in time to help her to get "some" pain meds. We piled her into her Mustang convertible, threw down the top, turn up Donna Summer (one of Lin's favorite CD's) and cranked up the volume. How she loves to be outdoors; she enjoyed the sunshine!
By the time she made it home her pain level was as if she had never left home on that gurney a week prior, it was at a 10+. Dorthy was her weekend hospice nurse and she was not afraid to administer meds. It took some time, but finally Lin was sleeping.
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