Sunday, March 29, 2009

Day 149 - Post

The sun seems to come up every day, much against my will. I can't believe it has been 149 days since Lin left my side.

I seem to spend many hours a days cleaning the pool. This used to be Lin's job. She would often remark to me that she had cleaned the pool and I would just make a comment that it looked nice or something stupid like that. What I did not know then that I know NOW, is how much work she did with the pool. Between fighting an endless amount of leaves, wind and the likes and trying to figure out the chemicals, ugh! I never gave her all the credit that she deserved for all the work that it took to maintain the pool.

With the change of the seasons, I got to experience another of the Lin's joys. I would put up some sort of warm shelter for her plants every year, that was nothing new. We would rush to move the plants the weekend before a big chill, all ~50 potted plants, large and small. I would hook-up water and electric lights, all the comforts for their warmth and thirst. I did that with help of Art, Alex, Erin and Eric this year. Difference was that we had all planted some of the plants in the ground so it was a little different. Thank God that I did not kill many of them this year!! The roses have started to blossom. The dead is giving in to the living. Pat and I spent most of the day today cleaning the patio, deck and pool. Lin loved her outdoors area and spent most of her days there. I never did give it much thought how much she did as mulled around outside.

Today started with a jump. Corban, Lori and Eric rang the door bell at 9:00am. On any given Sunday, before, I would normally get up late, drink some coffee and read the paper while watching some old movies. This is what Lin and I used to do. One exception, OK, a couple. She would get up earlier than me most of the time. She would make the coffee and then she get on the phone. By the time I would get up, she would be starting the second pot of coffee. She would have started the pump on the pool and most likely well on her way to watering the plants. I seem to be living her life now, or at least in part. After the gang left, there was no way that I could escape the calling to the outdoors, it was in horrible shape and I needed to address the needs of the plants and pool. I wondered, is this what motivated Lin to jump into action, a calling of necessity or a labor of love?

It does not seem right that life should continue to move forward without Lin in it. We talked about the situation once. That life goes on no matter who dies.

I wonder when it will get easy, easier. I can actually go hours sometimes without thinking of her. Is it because of the house, our furniture, our things we bought together, house we painted, colors, we picked...life we lived? I wish that I had more answers to my questions.

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